Dating Dimes* on a Dime in DC

*slang noun in relation to physical beauty in place of a "perfect ten"

By Westmoreland

12. Some Players Need Coaching More Than Others

Man... Every time I get down on my minor lifestyle inconveniences, I am restored to moderate confidence by some other sad-sack���s woeful mishap.

Just as sure as game recognize game, game must also keep an eye out for lame.

There is this guy, he was recently arrested for drunk driving on Memorial Day. The police pulled him over in DC, and he spent the wee hours of the morning in a District of Columbia jail. (Happy Memorial Day! Here���s something to remember!) Honestly, he was certainly not the only dude driving under the influence over the holiday weekend. That���s for sure. So, in general, you know, shoulder shrug. Tough break. Except in this guy���s case, he is recently released from serving a five-day sentence for the same offense in Virginia. He has three little kids. His wife sent me a text message imploring that I pray for her.

I flip my phone up to her ���Pray for me��� message, and I think to myself, for what? She has dramatic tendencies, so I want to confirm the prayer-worthiness of the request. But she is sincerely worried. Her husband has been picked up again for drinking and driving. Now, last week this five day sentencing thing was hilarious. ���Pack him a carton of cigarettes. He���s gonna need ���em!��� The guy is in his early thirties. This seems like the kind of thing that you do once, and straighten right up. He had been out with some folks from work, had a few too many, tried to drive home��� blah, blah, blah��� It is not okay, but it does happen. So it seemed okay to have a (chaste) chuckle at his expense.

But, when I listened to her this morning, I felt really bad for them both. This is a pattern. He has a problem. As his wife, she shares this problem because they are married to each other. Their problem is then, unfairly distributed to the children who are owed some real-time status on daddy ��� who did not make it home. The car is not parked out front because it has been impounded (again).

And I honestly feel bad. This guy married the mother of his children. I respect that. It certainly is a hell of a lot more than a lot of fathers are doing for their families. As the wife explains the details of his circumstances, I predict that his driving privileges will be taken away. And all I can think is, ���Player. What are you doing?���

I really don���t want to provide a shoulder for leaning. Not in this case. I feel like I am being mocked. The wife is beautiful. She loves him. And I am a little jealous of the fact that this guy has found a woman who would give him three healthy children ��� and then stand by as he takes his extended tour of the DMV���s (D.C., MD, and VA ��� and yes pun intended) jail houses. Perhaps he can get a blog on http://www.neonusinsite.com/: ���Arlington County jail gets 2 stars! I found the cots to be an awful place to recover from a hangover. Very poor condition! The food was less appetizing than DC jails. Low marks. Overall, I would not recommend a drunken, high speed chase outrunning the Arlington County Police -- unless you want to have a disappointing overnight stay! Tune in next week as I fail another breathalyser!���

I didn���t know what to say. Here I am. Single, and wanting a family. Yes. I am odd. Neurotic, perhaps. But I do know how to commit to things. And a family is the thing to which I feel most eager to commit. And certainly would not risk or take it for granted. And this guy is risking his family and other people���s families. I feel bad for him, but I feel more bad for me. This dude���s married? And I am doing my own laundry?

Although his license was suspended for a year, I told her to take the lead in terms of driving and safety. A man will try to drive with no license. No keys for him. Oh, but he has a motorcycle. And with that information, I recommend that she raise his life insurance premium. He will ride that bike, and drink. That is a matter of time, really. What was funny last week is not funny this week. God knows I could always use some coaching, but really? Him first.