Spiritual Journey

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
.14 More on The Invitation

HAVE YOU TOUCHED THE CENTER OF YOUR SORROW
By Angela

"It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it."

-- from The Invitation, Oriah Mountain dreamer --

I have done all of those things and then some. I have experienced deep sorrow and ultimate betrayal by life. I have closed myself off from fear of further pain. I have just sat with my pain. Years ago, my uncle, a New York City hospital officer was gunned down by a major Columbian drug lord. Years later, my husband, a New York City police officer, was gunned down in the line of duty and my father, who was suffering through two kinds of cancer, died the very next day. At the time, my daughter was a little girl, and my husband and I were trying to have another child...

Those two events were so devastating that at times, all I could do was acknowledge the pain; all I could do was endure. The pain was so overwhelming, I shut down. I don’t even remember most of the events of the year following the deaths of my husband and father. And, when my life began to take on some form of normalcy again, I consciously chose to close myself off from further pain. I let no newcomers into my circle of friends and refused to have any dealings with men. I said I would never date again, never fall in love again.If that wasn't enough, some of the people in my circle and my husband’s circle could not handle what happened and stopped dealing with my daughter and me. They said that being around us was a constant reminder of what happened and they could not handle that. So they chose to stop being in our lives. They were people who were important to me, but more than that; people who were important to my daughter. We learned to live without the two most important men in our lives and the absence of long-held friendships.

So, I have sat with pain, and just endured. I have closed myself off to avoid further pain. I have done all that. But, in the end, I learned to let go. First, I made new friends. Then, I freed myself of the bonds that the fear of the pain of loss cause and am now I am in a place of hope. I am now open to love; I am open to giving and receiving love. Hell, I’m even open to the knowledge that taking a chance on love also means the possibility of experiencing sorrow all over again... though I hope that doesn't happen. Was letting go easy? Hell, no it wasn’t. Some of the people who were very close to my family dealt with the deaths by drinking to excess - a sure fire way to avoid facing pain. Some refused to cry, prided themselves on never shedding a tear. Even I even went through a period when I refused to cry. After all, many of us have been taught that tears are a sign of weakness. And, for a while, I was actually unable to cry. But one day, I was caught off guard and I cried. No, I sobbed...great, big, gut-wrenching tears. You know, painful, nose running, hiccup-causing, can’t see or breathe tears...tears so intense you feel like they will never stop. Yes, I cried those tears, and from then on, it was easier to cry. And I must admit, I still sometimes cry and it still hurts. But I believe that moment was the beginning of my cleansing and healing.

In the end, I think the most healing moments came when I just sat with my pain. It was like my skin for such a long time, it was hard not to acknowledge it. But, I mean I really sat with my pain; I examined it; I spoke to it; I let it speak to me. Those moments gave me insight into many aspects of my life, my marriage, my husband and my father. Those moments also gave me insight into where I was with my pain, Those moments are where I eventually found hope. Those moments are where I began to let go.

This week, examine your life. Are there areas of pain you have chosen not to deal with? Pull those painful memories out and begin to tackle them head on. Face your pain, acknowledge it, sit with it, speak to it. Cry if you can. Then determine to conquer your pain and let it go. First acknowledge there is a thing called hope that you can rely on. If you can do this, you can begin to move on.

Good morning heartache / Here we go again / Good morning heartache / 

You're the one who knew me when / Might as well get use to you / 

hanging around / Good morning heartache / Sit down 

-- written by Irene Higgenbotham, Ervin Drake, and Dan Fisher originally recorded by jazz singer Billie Holiday in 1946) --

Today's InSite

"It is only the finite that has wrought and suffered; the infinite lies stretched in smiling repose."

Emerson

Today's Insight

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose," Steven Paul Jobs

Life of Steve Jobs

Today's Insight

It's going to hurt either way, so you might as well do it right  


Thaddeus Rego


These are the words I heard from my fitness expert as the burn from the abdominal circuit had kicked in and I struggled to complete my set of bicycles. The quote stuck with me because it was true then and I realized it is true about life in general.

No matter the choices we each make in life at some point we are bound to experience some form of hurt, physical or emotional.  We have a choice as to how we will react to the hurt and what we will take away from it.  I choose to acknowledge the hurt as temporary and not reflective of my true nature and know that if I move through life challenges in the right way I only grow stronger.

Today's Insight

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. Yet, strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.



Kahlil Gibran

My Grandmother Died, I feel something...

My paternal grandmother made her transition yesterday (my stepfather's mother).  I know our spirits are eternal and only her human body has perished.  She is truly free, enveloped in peace, love, and wholeness.  Still I have been feeling something all day.  I can't put a name to it.  As I made travel plans and informed my employer and others who needed to know I'd be out of town, I felt something inside.  I have not cried, because I know the truth of her life.  It is not sadness.  She had her 95th birthday just last week.  It was a long-life with lots of love.  Yet I feel something.... 

My guess is I need to do some forgiveness work.  Forgiving myself and releasing that I could have been a better granddaughter - called more frequently, visited more frequently, sent more pictures, just been better.  I love my grandmother and appreciate all she did to support me and my siblings throughout our lives. I am thankful for the love and pride I know she always carried for me.  I am thankful for knowing her and I am thankful for the peace she is now.  So there it is, I feel forgiven and thankful.  I love you Grandma.  Talk to you later.

Today's Insight

Thankful for all that is my life, its continuous expansion, and the eternal support and supply of the source of all!

Today's Insight

My intention for today is Gratitude ! I am thankful for this continuos present moment and all that this gift is.

Today's Insight

What other people think of me is none of my business!

Love This Song, Great Lyrics!

Today's Insight

"I am the only shadow that blocks my light."

I heard this from one of the Top Chef Allstars contestants. Don't hide your light!

My Quick Take on The Wisdom Teaching Islam

Islam

Why

I choose to write my thoughts about Islam for several reasons.   One, although it’s the world’s second largest religion, until recently I knew very little about it.  Two, Islam has received so much attention in America in the last ten years, as a result of the events on September 11, 2011.  Three, during my recent trip to Egypt I visited the Mosque of Mohammad Ali and I had my first formal education about Islam, and was completely surprised by what I discovered and how it affected me spiritually.  I saw my soul.

The Basics

In that Mosque in Egypt I learned the the very basic fact that Islam is a religion,  Muslims are people that follow the principles of Islam and Arab is a culture.  It seems I should have known this, but I admit I had used the words interchangeably.  Islam is the belief that there is one God called Allah and Muhammed is it’s Prophet.  I love the etymology and meaning of the word Islam.  Islam means “submission” or “surrender” and is derived from the root “slm”(1).

  Practically, Islam is the belief that there is only Allah and that man should submit/surrender to it’s will and follow the word of Allah.  The teachings of Islam, as revealed to Muhammad the Prophet (circa 570-632) as the word of Allah through the Angel Gabriel, are contained in the Qur'an. 

The primary principles of Islam are the Six Articles of Faith.  Generally they are the following:

1. Belief there is only one Eternal, Infinite, Perfect, Supreme, Loving God, the Creator of All
2. Belief in Angels
3. Belief in Scriptures/Holy Books as the word of God revealed to messengers
4. Belief in prophets/messengers of God from Adam to Muhammad
5. Belief in a Day of Judgment and resurrection for all humans
6. Belief in Al Qadar, Divine Predestination,(2) but that humans have free will.

In Egypt I first learned some detail about about the actual practices of a Muslim, which are the Five Pillars of Islam.  

1. Faith (Shahadah). Statement of Faith “There is no god, but Allah, and Muhammad is the Prophet of Allah.”
2. Prayer (Salah). Pray five times daily - dawn, noon, afternoon, sunset, and night.
3. Charity (Zakah). Give 2.5% of annual savings to charity or those in need.
4. Fasting (Sawm). Fasting during the month of Ramadan from sunrise to sunset.
5. Pilgrimage (Hajj). Annual journey to Makkah, Saudi Arabia at least once in a lifetime, for Muslims who can afford it.

It’s Application to My Life

I have always known that the violent actions taken by individuals in the name of God are never representative of one who believes in and surrenders to God (no matter the name).  I know that the wisdom teaching of Islam and the Qur’an are absolutely opposite to the violent actions taken by some humans who call themselves Muslims (followers of Islam).  I have most of the same fundamental beliefs of Muslims.  I too believe there is one God that is supreme to all, loving, all providing, perfect, all knowing, infinite, eternal, creator of All.  I too believe that God does not favor one being over another. I agree that knowing truth is to know that there is only one God and God is the only power in life, and in what I call my life.  I too thankfully surrender/submit to that power because it is infinitely and eternally all good.  To me, the word Islam sums-up my call as a mystic,  which is to know, submit and surrender to the reality of my oneness with God through my actions (mental and physical) and active spiritual practices.(3)  A mystic is one who realizes and practices the truth of their Oneness with God.  One who knows God is within and that every human, animal, vegetable, mineral is an individual expression of God.  As a mystic I am conscious of the I Am that I Am, through me as me.

⁽¹⁾ See also http://quranicteachings.co.uk/islam-meanings.htm The root of the word Islam is s-l-m (seen-laam-meem), which leads to the following meanings:

• to be in sound condition, well, without a blemish
• to be safe and sound, unharmed, unimpaired, intact, safe, secure, in peace
• to be unobjectionable, blameless, faultless, certain, established, clearly proven (fact)
• to be free (from defects, fault, imperfection, blemish or vice) [particularly, with the preposition 'min']
• to escape (from a danger)

The word has a much wider meaning than mere peace and also involves prosperity, good health, wholeness and completeness in every way.

⁽²⁾ See http://www.islam-guide.com/frm-ch3-16.htm  (The belief in Divine Predestination includes belief in four things: 1) God knows everything.  He knows what has happened and what will happen.  2) God has recorded all that has happened and all that will happen.  3) Whatever God wills to happen happens, and whatever He wills not to happen does not happen.  4) God is the Creator of everything.)

⁽³⁾ Other Sources: http://www.quran.or.kr/Islam/1_3.html, http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/cultural/religion/islam/islam.html, http://www.islam-guide.com/frm-ch3.htm, http://www.islamicbulletin.org/newsletters/issue_24/beliefs.aspx

Neonu's Insite Blog Update

Expect more regular postings on my thoughts, experiences, and InSite's.  Thank you for your support

Today's Insight

Answering the Call


You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold. That is how important you are!

Eckhart Tolle

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - Love Angst (part two)

.23 Love Angst (Part Two)
by Angela Skeete Davis

Think about this, if you don’t let go, you will become stagnant and paralyzed. But if you do let go, you open yourself to the possibility of forever next time. Does that not work for you? I have another. Write all the bad stuff down on paper. Then rip it up into tiny pieces, put those tiny pieces in an ashtray, set it all on fire and watch them burn away. Hopefully some of your pain will burn away too. Or bury the paper. The point is to put some action to your letting go to make the letting go a little easier.

Does that not work for you? Do you need an example, instead? How about a story? I know a man who has had his share of relationship endings and heartache. Yet when he talks, you can hear in his voice and see in his face how much he loved in those past relationships. You can hear and see how hard he tried to make the relationships work. I am sure that when women hear him speak about his past, about his former loves, they want to get next to him. A man that can love like that and keep the good and speak of the good in spite of the bad is a man to be cherished. Most women want to be loved like that. Hell, most men want to be loved like that. When he says he wants to experience the joy that loving can bring, the happiness that being in love can bring, you believe him.

Still not convinced that choosing not to fall in love is not the answer? How about this?(I may have told you about this already, I don’t remember) A few years ago, a friend of mine met a man and six months later told me she was in love with him. As she is a widow like me and we have had, in the past, similar feelings about the possibility of falling in love again (never), I was surprised. I asked her how it could happen. She said her capacity to love her husband gave her the capacity to love again. She said she had enough love in her to still love her husband deeply and yet love this man deeply and truly. She said she brings to the relationship all that she had with her husband plus all of her maturity and other experiences; that now, older, she can love deeper, more passionately, with more knowledge and more abilities. She said she was excited about the relationship and its possibilities.

I was skeptical. But I thought a lot about what she said and eventually a light bulb came on in my head and I got it. A loving relationship that ends does not limit our ability to love, it enhances it. The more we love, the more we can love. The more we can love, the more we are given opportunities to love. The more opportunities we are given, the more we love. It is a beautiful circle of love. That I get. That I want to be a part of. Like a love-fest of life. If it is a ride, sign me up. If it is a party, where can I get my ticket. If it is just about life, let me live it to the fullest.

I guess the ultimate comment is it is better to step out on faith, and take a chance at love and true, everlasting happiness than to stay within one’s self and deny love to prevent possible heartache. Besides, whoever heard of possible heartache. Shouldn't possibility be about hope, be about heart-joy or heart-happiness. After all, without hope there is no real chance at love and without love, we die or become scarred. So, if I must die and I must, I want to die knowing I gave love every possible chance.

Still not sure, here are some things I think are true…

It doesn’t matter how they left you feeling, what matters is how you felt at the very best of times.
Do not honor them by remembering the worst and how it left you emotionally, honor yourself by remembering the best, how much of yourself you gave and how good that was.
Do not deny yourself because it did not work out that time, delight yourself with the anticipation and expectation of “possible forever happiness” this time.
Do not count your moments by the memories that broke your heart, fill your heart album with the moments that caused your soul to soar.
Do not look to the failure as the whole of the relationship, remember the success within and use them as your barometer for what to expect next.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Morrie Schwartz (December 20, 1916 to November 4, 1995, an American educator)

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - a love angst (part one)

.22 Love Angst (Part One) by Angela Skeet Davis

This is about love. As I have said in the past, I was not going to write about love. It is not that I have anything against love. But, I wanted to write about my spiritual journey and I thought the two were separate. Quite the contrary. It seems to me that love is pretty much all we talk about. Even when we are not talking about love, we are talking about love….or sex (but that is another conversation left for another day).

Anyway, isn’t love what most of our conversations are about, at least underneath. When we complain about how others treat us, we are really complaining that they don’t treat us with love. When we look at all the “isms” and prejudices that we experience aren’t they all about someone denying us love. And when we are happy or joyful isn’t it really because something positive has happened to us that opens up our hearts to love

Maybe I am over-simplifying things. My point really is, we are made from love, for love, to love. When we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience love, in all its forms, we deny ourselves our very essence. In point of fact, we deny our spirits, our souls, ourselves the ultimate nourishment. You know, scientists have discovered that babies will die or become emotionally dysfunctional if not given love and affection the first year of their lives. So too, we die or become emotionally scarred if we are not given love, if we do not experience love. The profundity of it is almost mind-blowing.

So my question - why would we want to deny ourselves love? ...

And so many of us do, either because of bad break ups or because of broken hearts. But love is a majestic feeling. And while it can cause us to descend to the lowest of lows, it can also lift our hearts and spirits. It can bring a glow to our faces, brighten a day and ease pain. The expression “friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief” is true because friendship is based on mutual love.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that love is perfect. It is not. Nor am I saying that all love lasts. We all know that love can end and sometimes it can end cruelly or bitterly. I recognize that sometimes the end of love can be soooo painful, can beat us up soooo badly, we never want to take a chance on love again. I just do not believe that is the answer.

That is really what I want to talk about. The immobilization that a bad end to loving can bring about. I have read many books and heard many say that we can control our emotions and that the emotions that others cause us to feel are their story and that, as such, we should be able to let go and move on with our own story. Deep inside, I know it is true - the people who break our hearts are not thinking about us or how we are feeling. Half the time, they don’t even realize that we are still lamenting that thing they said or did. So, if they can move on, we should move on. But to know it and then to believe it and act as if it true is each very different and very hard to do.

More importantly, you would think we would all want to let go of the negative effects of painful endings to love. You would think we would all want to just put them out of our minds - leaving space for the next good relationship. But we don’t. Letting go and moving on is like cleaning out the clothes in one’s closet. First, we have to make time to clean out the closet and there are always so many other things we would rather do. Then, we have to figure out what we are going to do with the things we decide to get ride of, which can be a hassle. Now, if we get past this stage and actually start to go through our closet, that is when the hard part begins. We keep things we no longer wear because we hate parting with things we have invested part of our selves in. We tell ourselves that either we are actually going to wear that one day because the style is going to come back or we are going to lose those extra pounds. In reality, it is just easier to keep what we have than deal with throwing things out. We forget getting rid of old means making space for new.

Similarly, we hold on to past relationships. They take up residence in our hearts and minds. Sometimes we believe they will come back. But, more often, we are just scared to venture back out into the world of dating and the possibility of loving again. That fear of falling in love and it failing rears its ugly head and prevents us from experiencing the wonder, beauty and happiness of love. We become cautious in spite of ourselves, because of ourselves.

I know, I know …. tell that to someone who is going through a break-up or a divorce. The pain and devastation left behind is like the work of a wrecking ball - all chaos and confusion and destruction with no hope of recovery. Yet, most of us do, eventually, learn to go on. We do eventually go on again. Granted we take with us the baggage that the ended relationship has left us with, but we move on.

What I want is for us (myself included) is to learn to let go of the baggage. At least some of it. This is one of my favorite things to do to let go and move on. Take some time and think about your relationship. Remember the good memories and take them and place them in your heart album. Then, take all the lessons you have learned and store them away in your brain to be pulled out as needed. Take what is left, grind it into grains of sand and blow it all away. It is not an easy task but with practice, it can work. What it does is allow you to let go of the negatives and keep only the positives.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Mother Theresa of Calcutta (August 26, 1910 to September 5, 1997

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - Finishing up The Invitation

.21 Finishing The Invitation

By Angela Skeete Davis

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I have disappointed another so I can be true to myself and I have borne the accusation of betrayal so as not to betray my own soul. I have borne it through pain and sadness and love. It is a hard lesson to learn to be true to one’s self. But, if we are not true to our selves, how can we be true in other aspects of our life or to anyone else.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!”

Can I see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and can I source my own life from its presence? And, can I live with failure and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!” Yes! I see beauty everywhere. I see beauty in all things. Or at least I try. I believe in the beauty of creation and the beauty of life, its good and its bad. People tease me because I tend to see the good in everyone, or at least try to. I often remember taking a little girl to the bathroom. When it was time to wash her hands I was upset because the bar of soap was dirty. She, however, looked at the soap and began to smile. When I asked her what made her so happy she told me the bar of soap looked like a flower. I had to work hard to look past the dirt but, eventually I was able to see what she saw. I have never forgotten that. There is beauty in everything, you just have to be willing and open to it.

And, who has not lived with failure of some kind. I have experienced failure and then bounced back from it. I have shaken my head at the unfairness of life and said “Yes, I can go on and will.” I have seen the bottom of the barrel and pulled myself out of it to go on. I have done it in the past with the deaths of my husband (a police officer shot to death), my uncle (a Veterans Administration police officer also shot to death), my father (from cancer) and my sister-in-law (from lupus) and with other things that I have experienced. I am sure I will in the future. It is part of life and I accept that. I just know I will not let life beat me down; instead, I try to remember just how good life can be. This and hope always help me to go on.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

Can I get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children? I can and I have many, many, many times. When my husband was killed, the nights were hard to get through. But no matter how hard, I had a six year old to think of and I had to keep her life as normal as possible. No matter what I went through at night, in the morning I got up, got her cleaned, dressed, fed and off to school with a smile, a hug and an "I love you." I believe it was my child and the semblance of normalcy that helped me to get out of bed and go on, even when I didn’t want to. Thankfully, I am not there any more. Thankfully time and I have moved on.

I have had someone very dear to me live with and die of cancer. I have had someone else very dear to me live with and die of lupus. I helped those two people through very hard and painful times. I have had two people very dear to me get shot and killed. I, like so many others, learned the hard way that life is not easy. I have faced the fire alone and with others. I have not shrunk back. I have faced it out of love, caring and compassion. I have faced it because I have not thought of myself. I have faced it sometimes in spite of myself. I have faced it with faith and hope. And, I am sure, if necessary, I will do so again. Those are truly moments that are just not about you (not "what about me" moments). I have heard them referred to as moments of “the grand gesture”. I just think of them as moments of true humility and gentleness. And I just hope that should I have to face the fire again, I will stand tall.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

What sustains me, from the inside, when all else falls away- hope and faith. Faith and hope carry with them, for me, the belief that tomorrow is another day, that tomorrow will be better and that tomorrow is another chance. My faith is deep and strong. It has been tested, but it has held on. I have been angry at fate, at life, at God/the Creator, the Universe. But I have always believed in Him/It. In even the worst of times, those "I want it all to be over" times, my faith has kept me holding on. In the dark of night when I no longer want to go on and when hope is gone, faith (though smaller than a mustard seed) has kept me from throwing in the towel. What sustains me? My faith and hope sustain me.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Honestly. I like my company. I need me time, crave me time. And, in the empty moments, I do like my company. I read, meditate, write, sing, dance, pray, sit in silence with my thoughts and praise and say thank you. I even take myself out on a date sometimes. In the end, I am the only person on earth I can never get away from, so I better like myself and I do. I like my company.

Now, do “The Invitation” on your own and, if you ask yourself nothing else, ask: “what sustains me?" And, if you do nothing else ….do you - get to know and like you.

“Amazing, isn't it, how some see the basket half empty and others see it half full? Some see life hopeless, some hopeful. Even when things are less than perfect, if you can think of the good, the beautiful, the hopeful, you'll be more than sustained.”

Author Unknown

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - running from relationships

.19 Running from Relationships
by Angela


Okay, I guess I have decided that part of my spiritual journey includes deciding my stand on relationships. Why? Well, a while back, I had a conversation with someone who swore that women don’t say what they want from relationships or from sex and that the standard roles that men and women seem to slip into bored him and caused him true disinterest in relationships. A comment like that made me want to examine my position on relationships...

I find the comment interesting because I think it is just an excuse to avoid commitment and avoiding commitment seem to be what men and women are becoming better at doing. For example, I have a friend who is in a push-pull relationship that circles around avoidance. The two of them seem to be unable to establish and define their relationship. She is there for him, cares for him and is willing to commit to a real relationship. He cares for her, is there for her, but is commitment-phobic. He gives lots of excuses why he is unable to make an actual commitment to a relationship. But I think it is because of his fear of actually taking a chance. Heaven forbid he might actually commit to something that makes him feel good. She is unwilling to walk away. I think she has a fear of walking out on true happiness. I admire her for sticking it out. I just hope they get it together.

I think of the major relationships I have had, while I won’t say I went after all of them, I will say I had no problem telling the men how I felt and what I wanted. It was, however, easier when I was younger. In fact, one of the things I love about youth is the willingness to put ourselves and our feelings on the line for the fun and joy of possible love. As adults, we are so busy worrying about possible hurt or failure that we are not willing to step out; we are not willing to take a chance. I still tell men how I feel and what I want. But, I must admit, it is not as easy for me as it once was.

I am tired of men who say they know what they want, but are not willing to go for it and then blame it on women who are not as aggressive as they would like them to be. Why is it men expect women to put their feelings out there, but are not willing to do so themselves. Why must women always be the ones willing to take the chance on getting hurt. I have a lot of responsibilities. I make decisions all day long - for myself and for some of the important people in my life. I am looking for a man who is willing to share responsibilities (his and mine) with me. I say I like him and he says he likes me. I reach out to him and he reaches back out to me. Sometimes I take the initiative and sometimes he does. I try to get past my fears and so does he. If I can say what I want, so can he.

Another example ….I have a friend- "Amigo 1." Amigo 1 has spent the last few years telling "Amigo 2" why they should not be together and then complains and wonders why Amigo 2 does not make overtures. I ask you - why would anyone extend themselves to someone they believe is not interested in having a relationship with them (based on what they say so regularly). I don’t get it. My attitude is decide what you want and then say so. If you are interested, take a chance. Don’t just talk about what you want, do it, show it. If you show others what you want, then you should trust they will give it back to you. But I know that will not happen. Why? I think Amigo1, like so many of us, carries baggage of past relationships and like so many of us, is wary. I also think Amigo 1 is waiting for someone, anyone but them, to step out on faith and take the chance. Too bad. Amigo 1 may miss out on true happiness with someone.

I think often we settle for the wrong things because the right things scare us. I think we spend so much time running from things, it becomes automatic and eventually we even run from the right things. But, I want to get to a place where I stop running. I want to get to a place where the right things in life so excite me that I run to them and not from them. I don’t want to miss out on happiness, I want to know what I want, act on what I want and do what I want others to do. I want it all and I want to be willing to seek it, work for it, believe in it, and take a chance on it. I want happiness and I am working towards it. Is it easy? No. But I refuse to give up. How about you? So, what is my stand on relationships - take a chance. You only live once. Make every moment count.

This week take a chance, step out in faith, give love a try. This week, run towards happiness, you may be glad you did.

Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking, Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making.”

Leanne Womack (American country-pop artist)

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - loving yourself

.18 Self love
by Angela Skeete Davis

Okay, so for the past few weeks I have been working on a piece and looking forward to putting it up. But the other day, I woke up in a totally different place and started to write. This whole thing is about my journey to a better me and I have hit a cornerstone, I think...

Let me tell you how it started. I got an ear infection. No big deal, right. I used to get them all the time. When I did they immobilized me. They were painful, uncomfortable, gave me headaches, affected my equilibrium, sent me to bed. So, to say the least, I was not happy to get another ear infection.

The other thing that was different …. I was alone. In the past, my daughter was with me. She would do reflexology on my feet, rub my back and bring me tea and toast. This time I had no one to do that for me. Now that is not to say that I have no one in my life who cares about me. I have friends and family who checked on me ….once I told them I was sick. No, what I am talking about is a partner (you know, someone I want to share my life with). It occurred to me that I had no one I could call and tell I was sick, no one who would actually make the effort to come over and check on me, no one who would call to see if I was okay.

At first, I was disappointed with this realization. I mean, now that my daughter is away at college, I should have a man in my life, right. Or at least the possibility. I don’t. Moreover, I am, now, in the minority, since most of my friends have a relationship going.

But the point of this is not to lament my lack of a man. Instead, it is to say this…. I woke up this morning, two and a half weeks later, still dealing with ear issues, but totally happy. I noticed that I have been waking up happy. Specifically, I got through the worst of my infection all by myself and I was/am okay. I took care of me. I made sure I was okay. I loved me. I looked after me. I learned that I can be sick and be by myself and be okay. If I never find the one I want to share my life with, I will be okay. I have me and we will do just fine together.

So, this week, spend time with you, appreciate you, be good to you. You are the only person you can never get away from. Make friends with you, learn to love you. Take yourself out to lunch and say thank you to you.

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.”

Author Unknown

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

WHAT A WEEK OR TWO IT HAS BEEN: Part Two

By Angela Skeete Davis


Last week I spoke of the impact of life and death on our lives. I ended with a bit about a woman I met whose husband had died. They clearly had a relationship that was filled with love. This week I think I will speak on love. And speaking of love, several people in my life are about to embark on a journey of love. Can I call it love? Should I call it love? Well you know what they say...if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.... What am I talking about? Let’s call two of my friends Frick , Frack and Freck. I spoke to each within days of each other. Frick called first. Frick had met a special person. The attraction between the two of them was intense. Though they did not live near each other, they were spending weekends together and talking about taking a chance with each other, seeing where it leads and anticipating their future together. They were even discussing the possibility, if this worked, of moving in together.

A few days later Frack called. Frack had met someone. Their relationship was also a distant relationship. Though they did not venture to see each other every weekend, they spent hours talking to each other on a daily basis. Modern technology was their best friend. I was concerned about their meeting and their being no chemistry. Not too worry, Frack assured me, the sparks are there when they are together. I asked what did they talk about. The answer was, "everything - each other, their past, their goals, their friends and families, the possibility of a future together, the possibility of being a family together."

Then there’s Freck. Freck has sort of been in a relationship for the past few years. I say sort of because of the inconsistency. They spend time together, sometimes. They are intimate, sometimes. They share their lives, sometimes. The good news is that they clearly love each other - at least on some level. The problem is baggage from the past and trust issues. How do they handle it? They pull each other close because they need and care for each other. But when they feel the pull of love, they back away.

I say, go for it. A friend once said, and I can’t say it better, “better to take a chance on love and it not work out, then not and possibly miss out on forever.” I agree. Our friends agree. Just go for it! Take the chance! The possibility of forever should be just too amazing to pass up.

When I think about Frick and Frack, and even Freck, I am so happy for each of them. There is nothing like a relationship when it is new, shiny and full of possibility. But it is more than that. Listening to each describe the other person, it was/is clear to me they each provide the other the things they need emotionally. That is what will keep their relationships going when the newness wears off, which, of course, is inevitable.

I believe fulfilling needs in each other is necessary for a relationship to survive. If I am a loner, shy about going out, but would love to and I meet someone who is also a loner and shy, we may get along, we may be able to be friends, but in a relationship we do not necessarily fulfill a need that would bring out the best in each other. Instead, if I meet a social butterfly who cares for me and takes me with them to social events and helps me to over come my shyness, then this person has met a need of mine. That helps the relationship. Similarly, if I see that my new mate needs quiet time to recharge theirs batteries and I provide them with that quiet time, then I have met a need of theirs. The combined meeting of needs helps to bring out the best in each other thus taking the relationship to higher levels and helping it to soar.

In life, when trying out new relationships, it helps if each of you brings out the best in each other. You both should not only see the best in each other, but believes the best in each other, care for each other because of and in spite of each other. Your chosen possibility should cause you to want to be your best self, and vice versa. If you do all that, have all that and if your relationship satisfies things you each need, consciously or unconsciously, your relationship has a better chance of survival.

Now you may be asking yourself how all this impacts me. I firmly believe that seeing other relationships around me thrive is a sign that we can all experience great relationships. Seeing others forge bonds provides me with hope. If it can happen for them, it can happen for me. But, even if it doesn’t happen for me, seeing them happy brings me happiness and trust...often, that is enough.

This week, take a chance on love, step out in love, try a new love. This week appreciate the newness, live in the newness. This week...GO FOR IT!!

A kiss that is never tasted is forever wasted
We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been Deep in my heart, I am concealing things that I am longing for
I would have missed you even if we had never met

Author unknown