WHAT A WEEK OR TWO IT HAS BEEN: Part Two
By Angela Skeete Davis
Last week I spoke of the impact of life and death on our lives. I ended with a bit about a woman I met whose husband had died. They clearly had a relationship that was filled with love. This week I think I will speak on love. And speaking of love, several people in my life are about to embark on a journey of love. Can I call it love? Should I call it love? Well you know what they say...if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.... What am I talking about? Let’s call two of my friends Frick , Frack and Freck. I spoke to each within days of each other. Frick called first. Frick had met a special person. The attraction between the two of them was intense. Though they did not live near each other, they were spending weekends together and talking about taking a chance with each other, seeing where it leads and anticipating their future together. They were even discussing the possibility, if this worked, of moving in together.
A few days later Frack called. Frack had met someone. Their relationship was also a distant relationship. Though they did not venture to see each other every weekend, they spent hours talking to each other on a daily basis. Modern technology was their best friend. I was concerned about their meeting and their being no chemistry. Not too worry, Frack assured me, the sparks are there when they are together. I asked what did they talk about. The answer was, "everything - each other, their past, their goals, their friends and families, the possibility of a future together, the possibility of being a family together."
Then there’s Freck. Freck has sort of been in a relationship for the past few years. I say sort of because of the inconsistency. They spend time together, sometimes. They are intimate, sometimes. They share their lives, sometimes. The good news is that they clearly love each other - at least on some level. The problem is baggage from the past and trust issues. How do they handle it? They pull each other close because they need and care for each other. But when they feel the pull of love, they back away.
I say, go for it. A friend once said, and I can’t say it better, “better to take a chance on love and it not work out, then not and possibly miss out on forever.” I agree. Our friends agree. Just go for it! Take the chance! The possibility of forever should be just too amazing to pass up.
When I think about Frick and Frack, and even Freck, I am so happy for each of them. There is nothing like a relationship when it is new, shiny and full of possibility. But it is more than that. Listening to each describe the other person, it was/is clear to me they each provide the other the things they need emotionally. That is what will keep their relationships going when the newness wears off, which, of course, is inevitable.
I believe fulfilling needs in each other is necessary for a relationship to survive. If I am a loner, shy about going out, but would love to and I meet someone who is also a loner and shy, we may get along, we may be able to be friends, but in a relationship we do not necessarily fulfill a need that would bring out the best in each other. Instead, if I meet a social butterfly who cares for me and takes me with them to social events and helps me to over come my shyness, then this person has met a need of mine. That helps the relationship. Similarly, if I see that my new mate needs quiet time to recharge theirs batteries and I provide them with that quiet time, then I have met a need of theirs. The combined meeting of needs helps to bring out the best in each other thus taking the relationship to higher levels and helping it to soar.
In life, when trying out new relationships, it helps if each of you brings out the best in each other. You both should not only see the best in each other, but believes the best in each other, care for each other because of and in spite of each other. Your chosen possibility should cause you to want to be your best self, and vice versa. If you do all that, have all that and if your relationship satisfies things you each need, consciously or unconsciously, your relationship has a better chance of survival.
Now you may be asking yourself how all this impacts me. I firmly believe that seeing other relationships around me thrive is a sign that we can all experience great relationships. Seeing others forge bonds provides me with hope. If it can happen for them, it can happen for me. But, even if it doesn’t happen for me, seeing them happy brings me happiness and trust...often, that is enough.
This week, take a chance on love, step out in love, try a new love. This week appreciate the newness, live in the newness. This week...GO FOR IT!!
By Angela Skeete Davis
Last week I spoke of the impact of life and death on our lives. I ended with a bit about a woman I met whose husband had died. They clearly had a relationship that was filled with love. This week I think I will speak on love. And speaking of love, several people in my life are about to embark on a journey of love. Can I call it love? Should I call it love? Well you know what they say...if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.... What am I talking about? Let’s call two of my friends Frick , Frack and Freck. I spoke to each within days of each other. Frick called first. Frick had met a special person. The attraction between the two of them was intense. Though they did not live near each other, they were spending weekends together and talking about taking a chance with each other, seeing where it leads and anticipating their future together. They were even discussing the possibility, if this worked, of moving in together.
A few days later Frack called. Frack had met someone. Their relationship was also a distant relationship. Though they did not venture to see each other every weekend, they spent hours talking to each other on a daily basis. Modern technology was their best friend. I was concerned about their meeting and their being no chemistry. Not too worry, Frack assured me, the sparks are there when they are together. I asked what did they talk about. The answer was, "everything - each other, their past, their goals, their friends and families, the possibility of a future together, the possibility of being a family together."
Then there’s Freck. Freck has sort of been in a relationship for the past few years. I say sort of because of the inconsistency. They spend time together, sometimes. They are intimate, sometimes. They share their lives, sometimes. The good news is that they clearly love each other - at least on some level. The problem is baggage from the past and trust issues. How do they handle it? They pull each other close because they need and care for each other. But when they feel the pull of love, they back away.
I say, go for it. A friend once said, and I can’t say it better, “better to take a chance on love and it not work out, then not and possibly miss out on forever.” I agree. Our friends agree. Just go for it! Take the chance! The possibility of forever should be just too amazing to pass up.
When I think about Frick and Frack, and even Freck, I am so happy for each of them. There is nothing like a relationship when it is new, shiny and full of possibility. But it is more than that. Listening to each describe the other person, it was/is clear to me they each provide the other the things they need emotionally. That is what will keep their relationships going when the newness wears off, which, of course, is inevitable.
I believe fulfilling needs in each other is necessary for a relationship to survive. If I am a loner, shy about going out, but would love to and I meet someone who is also a loner and shy, we may get along, we may be able to be friends, but in a relationship we do not necessarily fulfill a need that would bring out the best in each other. Instead, if I meet a social butterfly who cares for me and takes me with them to social events and helps me to over come my shyness, then this person has met a need of mine. That helps the relationship. Similarly, if I see that my new mate needs quiet time to recharge theirs batteries and I provide them with that quiet time, then I have met a need of theirs. The combined meeting of needs helps to bring out the best in each other thus taking the relationship to higher levels and helping it to soar.
In life, when trying out new relationships, it helps if each of you brings out the best in each other. You both should not only see the best in each other, but believes the best in each other, care for each other because of and in spite of each other. Your chosen possibility should cause you to want to be your best self, and vice versa. If you do all that, have all that and if your relationship satisfies things you each need, consciously or unconsciously, your relationship has a better chance of survival.
Now you may be asking yourself how all this impacts me. I firmly believe that seeing other relationships around me thrive is a sign that we can all experience great relationships. Seeing others forge bonds provides me with hope. If it can happen for them, it can happen for me. But, even if it doesn’t happen for me, seeing them happy brings me happiness and trust...often, that is enough.
This week, take a chance on love, step out in love, try a new love. This week appreciate the newness, live in the newness. This week...GO FOR IT!!
A kiss that is never tasted is forever wasted
We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been Deep in my heart, I am concealing things that I am longing for
I would have missed you even if we had never met
Author unknown
3 comments:
SO you say....., When will you?
I did. He said he was not interested. He said it was my lost. I think it is his. So now i ask ......when will you?
Sounds like both of you need to meet and "will you" with each other ...... or have you
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