Monday, October 6, 2014

Spiritual Journey


SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
.14 More on The Invitation

HAVE YOU TOUCHED THE CENTER OF YOUR SORROW
By Angela

"It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it."
-- from The Invitation, Oriah Mountain dreamer --

I have done all of those things and then some. I have experienced deep sorrow and ultimate betrayal by life. I have closed myself off from fear of further pain. I have just sat with my pain. Years ago, my uncle, a New York City hospital officer was gunned down by a major Columbian drug lord. Years later, my husband, a New York City police officer, was gunned down in the line of duty and my father, who was suffering through two kinds of cancer, died the very next day. At the time, my daughter was a little girl, and my husband and I were trying to have another child...

Those two events were so devastating that at times, all I could do was acknowledge the pain; all I could do was endure. The pain was so overwhelming, I shut down. I don’t even remember most of the events of the year following the deaths of my husband and father. And, when my life began to take on some form of normalcy again, I consciously chose to close myself off from further pain. I let no newcomers into my circle of friends and refused to have any dealings with men. I said I would never date again, never fall in love again.If that wasn't enough, some of the people in my circle and my husband’s circle could not handle what happened and stopped dealing with my daughter and me. They said that being around us was a constant reminder of what happened and they could not handle that. So they chose to stop being in our lives. They were people who were important to me, but more than that; people who were important to my daughter. We learned to live without the two most important men in our lives and the absence of long-held friendships.

So, I have sat with pain, and just endured. I have closed myself off to avoid further pain. I have done all that. But, in the end, I learned to let go. First, I made new friends. Then, I freed myself of the bonds that the fear of the pain of loss cause and am now I am in a place of hope. I am now open to love; I am open to giving and receiving love. Hell, I’m even open to the knowledge that taking a chance on love also means the possibility of experiencing sorrow all over again... though I hope that doesn't happen. Was letting go easy? Hell, no it wasn’t. Some of the people who were very close to my family dealt with the deaths by drinking to excess - a sure fire way to avoid facing pain. Some refused to cry, prided themselves on never shedding a tear. Even I even went through a period when I refused to cry. After all, many of us have been taught that tears are a sign of weakness. And, for a while, I was actually unable to cry. But one day, I was caught off guard and I cried. No, I sobbed...great, big, gut-wrenching tears. You know, painful, nose running, hiccup-causing, can’t see or breathe tears...tears so intense you feel like they will never stop. Yes, I cried those tears, and from then on, it was easier to cry. And I must admit, I still sometimes cry and it still hurts. But I believe that moment was the beginning of my cleansing and healing.

In the end, I think the most healing moments came when I just sat with my pain. It was like my skin for such a long time, it was hard not to acknowledge it. But, I mean I really sat with my pain; I examined it; I spoke to it; I let it speak to me. Those moments gave me insight into many aspects of my life, my marriage, my husband and my father. Those moments also gave me insight into where I was with my pain, Those moments are where I eventually found hope. Those moments are where I began to let go.

This week, examine your life. Are there areas of pain you have chosen not to deal with? Pull those painful memories out and begin to tackle them head on. Face your pain, acknowledge it, sit with it, speak to it. Cry if you can. Then determine to conquer your pain and let it go. First acknowledge there is a thing called hope that you can rely on. If you can do this, you can begin to move on.

Good morning heartache / Here we go again / Good morning heartache / 
You're the one who knew me when / Might as well get use to you / 
hanging around / Good morning heartache / Sit down 

-- written by Irene Higgenbotham, Ervin Drake, and Dan Fisher originally recorded by jazz singer Billie Holiday in 1946) --

Friday, October 3, 2014

Today's InSite

"It is only the finite that has wrought and suffered; the infinite lies stretched in smiling repose."

Emerson

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Brunch 4 Stars!

644 N Orleans, Chicago

Great breakfast and brunch spot. Try the red velvet and banana pancakes or the Chicago skillet. Delish! Open til 3.







Saturday, November 19, 2011

Magnificent Mile Lights Festival Tonight! 5 Stars!

Chicago Magnificent Mile Lights Festival tonight 5:30 -7pm.  Concerts throughout the day.  Fireworks at 6:55pm at Michigan/Chicago River.

Also Navy Pier Fireworks tonight at 9pm.

Kickoff of Holiday Season Chicago Style.  I Love it!

More info @http://magnificentmilelightsfestival.com/index.php 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Today's Insight

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose," Steven Paul Jobs

Life of Steve Jobs

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Today's Insight

It's going to hurt either way, so you might as well do it right  


Thaddeus Rego


These are the words I heard from my fitness expert as the burn from the abdominal circuit had kicked in and I struggled to complete my set of bicycles. The quote stuck with me because it was true then and I realized it is true about life in general.

No matter the choices we each make in life at some point we are bound to experience some form of hurt, physical or emotional.  We have a choice as to how we will react to the hurt and what we will take away from it.  I choose to acknowledge the hurt as temporary and not reflective of my true nature and know that if I move through life challenges in the right way I only grow stronger.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Today's Insight

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. Yet, strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.



Kahlil Gibran

Monday, August 15, 2011

My Grandmother Died, I feel something...

My paternal grandmother made her transition yesterday (my stepfather's mother).  I know our spirits are eternal and only her human body has perished.  She is truly free, enveloped in peace, love, and wholeness.  Still I have been feeling something all day.  I can't put a name to it.  As I made travel plans and informed my employer and others who needed to know I'd be out of town, I felt something inside.  I have not cried, because I know the truth of her life.  It is not sadness.  She had her 95th birthday just last week.  It was a long-life with lots of love.  Yet I feel something.... 

My guess is I need to do some forgiveness work.  Forgiving myself and releasing that I could have been a better granddaughter - called more frequently, visited more frequently, sent more pictures, just been better.  I love my grandmother and appreciate all she did to support me and my siblings throughout our lives. I am thankful for the love and pride I know she always carried for me.  I am thankful for knowing her and I am thankful for the peace she is now.  So there it is, I feel forgiven and thankful.  I love you Grandma.  Talk to you later.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Koran by Heart: 5 Stars!

The HBO documentary "Koran by Heart" is excellent: 5 Stars!

The movie follows several students from different countries who participated in the annual contest in Cairo in which Muslim children recite the Koran. As inspiring and uplifting as watching the youth prepare and participate in the National Spelling Bee in the United States.

You get a glimpse of the background of each student's culture, education, and parental influence. Great film that should leave you both smiling and thinking. Great to watch with children.



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Today's Insight

Thankful for all that is my life, its continuous expansion, and the eternal support and supply of the source of all!