Sunday, October 5, 2008

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - running from relationships


.19 Running from Relationships
by Angela


Okay, I guess I have decided that part of my spiritual journey includes deciding my stand on relationships. Why? Well, a while back, I had a conversation with someone who swore that women don’t say what they want from relationships or from sex and that the standard roles that men and women seem to slip into bored him and caused him true disinterest in relationships. A comment like that made me want to examine my position on relationships...

I find the comment interesting because I think it is just an excuse to avoid commitment and avoiding commitment seem to be what men and women are becoming better at doing. For example, I have a friend who is in a push-pull relationship that circles around avoidance. The two of them seem to be unable to establish and define their relationship. She is there for him, cares for him and is willing to commit to a real relationship. He cares for her, is there for her, but is commitment-phobic. He gives lots of excuses why he is unable to make an actual commitment to a relationship. But I think it is because of his fear of actually taking a chance. Heaven forbid he might actually commit to something that makes him feel good. She is unwilling to walk away. I think she has a fear of walking out on true happiness. I admire her for sticking it out. I just hope they get it together.

I think of the major relationships I have had, while I won’t say I went after all of them, I will say I had no problem telling the men how I felt and what I wanted. It was, however, easier when I was younger. In fact, one of the things I love about youth is the willingness to put ourselves and our feelings on the line for the fun and joy of possible love. As adults, we are so busy worrying about possible hurt or failure that we are not willing to step out; we are not willing to take a chance. I still tell men how I feel and what I want. But, I must admit, it is not as easy for me as it once was.

I am tired of men who say they know what they want, but are not willing to go for it and then blame it on women who are not as aggressive as they would like them to be. Why is it men expect women to put their feelings out there, but are not willing to do so themselves. Why must women always be the ones willing to take the chance on getting hurt. I have a lot of responsibilities. I make decisions all day long - for myself and for some of the important people in my life. I am looking for a man who is willing to share responsibilities (his and mine) with me. I say I like him and he says he likes me. I reach out to him and he reaches back out to me. Sometimes I take the initiative and sometimes he does. I try to get past my fears and so does he. If I can say what I want, so can he.

Another example ….I have a friend- "Amigo 1." Amigo 1 has spent the last few years telling "Amigo 2" why they should not be together and then complains and wonders why Amigo 2 does not make overtures. I ask you - why would anyone extend themselves to someone they believe is not interested in having a relationship with them (based on what they say so regularly). I don’t get it. My attitude is decide what you want and then say so. If you are interested, take a chance. Don’t just talk about what you want, do it, show it. If you show others what you want, then you should trust they will give it back to you. But I know that will not happen. Why? I think Amigo1, like so many of us, carries baggage of past relationships and like so many of us, is wary. I also think Amigo 1 is waiting for someone, anyone but them, to step out on faith and take the chance. Too bad. Amigo 1 may miss out on true happiness with someone.

I think often we settle for the wrong things because the right things scare us. I think we spend so much time running from things, it becomes automatic and eventually we even run from the right things. But, I want to get to a place where I stop running. I want to get to a place where the right things in life so excite me that I run to them and not from them. I don’t want to miss out on happiness, I want to know what I want, act on what I want and do what I want others to do. I want it all and I want to be willing to seek it, work for it, believe in it, and take a chance on it. I want happiness and I am working towards it. Is it easy? No. But I refuse to give up. How about you? So, what is my stand on relationships - take a chance. You only live once. Make every moment count.

This week take a chance, step out in faith, give love a try. This week, run towards happiness, you may be glad you did.

Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking, Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making.”
Leanne Womack (American country-pop artist)

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