Divorce: A Man's Perspective

By Angela

In the last few years, I have spoken to several male friends who have gone through emotionally devastating divorces with almost crippling, lasting effects. Speaking with them has forced me to re-evaluate my beliefs regarding divorce and its effect on men and women. As a result, I did a little research into the subject of men and divorce. Most people seem to believe men can handle stress and emotions better than women. Women seem to get the bulk of the pity and support, especially if there are children involved. One would think that women suffer more from the depressing effects of divorce. However, several recent studies including one developed by Statistics Canada have discovered that men are more likely to experience depression after a divorce than women.

The study examined any links between depression and divorce. The data looked at men between the ages of 20 and 64. It found that divorced men were six times more likely to be depressed than men of the same age who stayed married. Newly divorced women, on the other hand, were 3.5 times more likely to be depressed than women who remained married. While there was no clear explanation why the idea of divorce was so much more devastating to men’s mental health, it was clear that children played a big stress factor in divorces that led to depression. However, most men did appear to recover from the depressing effects of a divorce within four years.

In the book, Black Men and Divorce, authors Erma Jean Lawson and Aaron Thompson make a significant contribution to our understanding of divorce. According to them, men are often ignored when we try to understand and explain couple relationships and their perspective in the decline or termination of these relationships has been seriously neglected. They found this to be especially true in divorce among Black Americans.

Based upon in-depth interviews with 50 Black men, Black Men and Divorce chronicles men’s passage from courtship and marriage to divorce and ultimately to the establishment of a new life. Focusing on working and middle class Black men, the authors reveal men’s, often startling, accounts of their divorces and their adjustment to life post-divorce. It also reveals the conditions inciting their divorces, the culminating events, and their subsequent post-divorce coping strategies. The men discuss their ex-wives and former in-law relationships; the role of mothers, family, and friends during divorce and post-divorce; and, they identify barriers they have faced in forming future relationships.

In the next few weeks I will be speaking to a few men who have gone through divorce and emerged on the other side. I hope their stories will help you to get a better understanding of a man’s perspective on divorce and its effect on their lives.