Dating Dimes* on a Dime in DC

*slang noun in relation to physical beauty in place of a "perfect ten"

By Westmoreland

05. Pimpin Only Looks Easy

The bachelor experience is well documented in hip hop, for those who understand the hip hop code. Dating, as encoded by rappers who span the East, West, Southern and Midwest Coasts, translates to ���pimpin������ in standard street dialect. Rap illustrates the ���pimp��� as an urban male who get ���hoes���, buys out the bar and just has too many single young women to manage. It sounds like a pretty cool lifestyle blaring out of the speakers at a night club on Friday or Saturday night. And some guys have talked themselves into the notion that they have women following them dutifully around to the bar, club, restaurant, etc... I am not that na��ve. I know real and genuine pimping as a profession.

I live on a corner in downtown Washington, DC that actually has prostitutes walking around, man. Having grown up in the Suburbs, prostitution is exotic. Real prostitutes have honest to God pimps. And those guys are really managing a team of outsourced service providers in a competitive industry. If you have ever managed people, you understand that management is a demanding function that is as much art as science. At one o���clock in the morning, how would you keep an organization, whose members exclusively wear stilettos (and pants only rarely) focused? It���s got to be the toughest supervisory job in the District of Columbia. Oh, and everyone bills hours offsite.

There was one morning, a few years ago, where I had an early meeting. I think I had a software demo to the Army, and I couldn���t sleep ��� I was out the door at like 5:30AM. The sun had not fully risen, so it may have been earlier. Anyway, as I bent over to pick up a neighbor���s newspaper to read on the train (yes, I occasionally snag someone else���s Washington Post), I straighten up to spot a woman in the snuggest pair of tight jeans that I had ever seen. And she is wearing gold high heels. This is a Wednesday morning. But as unusual as she seemed, she was not as striking as the frustrated gentleman walking directly across the street from her in a parallel, stride for stride gait. This is tough to explain��� Have you ever seen a college basketball coach pace the side line as his point guard brings the ball up-court? He is coaching and giving instruction from the sidelines, and his team is down a few points. OK. Imagine a point guard with a long hair weave, in gold high heels, a pair of tight (Jordaches, maybe) jeans, and a low (low) cut blouse bringing the ball up��� taking instructions from an annoyed coach who, himself, is wearing a football jersey. Now, prostitution is illegal, so these people are criminals, and I don���t like to stare at criminals (unless they are on television), but I couldn���t help myself. I am a management consultant. And here was a training session, or a motivational talk, or a six month review being conducted right in front of me. As a consultant, my mind perceives the business problem, immediately. What do you tell a prostitute who needs a pep talk?

Sometimes you have to see your challenges against the stark background of a harsher reality. I guess I have been dating a few women at the same time, and letting the droning boredom of someone else��� petty interests get me down. Plus this dating business is a cost center. Eh. I was out a few weeks ago with a law student who was so boring that I actually wanted to help her finish her meal just to speed the date along. I actually like linguine, so I could have. But she just sat there and on and on she went about how different DC was from New York City. Really? The two cities are really that different? Huh. Wow. Uh-huh. Finish your meal (so I can go home and be alone in my thoughts - you $120 waste of my time)!

I tend to think that I have recently met a winner, but that does not mean that we will succeed. Only that she is a quality woman with whom I feel comfortable spending time, if not money. She asked me, quite directly, on our first date, how many women I was dating. I sighed because dating several women is supposed to be fun. I should have been able to gloat (pop my collar, etc.) that I have been juggling a few. But I have not experienced any of the clever upsides to ���pimpin��� that these rappers are so keen to promote. So, I glumly told her, three. And once I did, I felt a burden lifted. So as of this writing she is the only one. Pimpin looks great on BET, but it sure ain���t easy. It is boring, stressful and petty.