Play It As It Lies

By Jeff

This column will give a player���s insight in to some recommended courses around the U.S. and may include some comedy along the way. At the end of each column will be all of the information needed to contact the course and plan a day of fun on the links.

Did you ever have one of those "now is a good time for a mental health day'��� day? Well, one such day came down on me last Friday. Of course when it happens, you usually find an accomplice, partner, or overall Louise to your Thelma, so to speak, to join you. Well, I placed that call to a friend of mine (���M���) late Friday morning to see if he would join me for a relaxing day of golf. He emphatically agreed and asked if his brother (���D���) could join us. "Sure" I replied. "The more the merrier".

We settled on a course in Long Island, NY. Eisenhower Park's fabled 'Red' course. This "parkland/links" course was designed by Devereux Emmet, a member of a well-to-do New York family and a resident of Garden City, NY. This course is known as the home of the Commerce Bank Championship June 27-29 on the Champions tour of the PGA. The course figured to play pretty well, don't you think?

The three amigos decide we're really feeling our oats and want to tackle every bit of real estate on this course by playing the exact tees in play at the CBC. This is a daunting proposition if you're not particularly stout in distance, nor accurate in directional control. The Red course played long in the fairways and exceptionally fast on the greens despite "nearly healed" aeration holes, a process delayed by the extra long winter here in NYC. We had a great time on the front 9 holes - playing well, talking trash and baiting each other into "Tiger-like" shots we had no business attempting. M and I had finished tied, with D 8 shots back, before the real adventure began.

Since I've played the course previously (approximately 3 years ago), I noticed the added length on the now 420 yard par 4 14th hole and the addition of a second sand bunker on the left side of the fairway. M stepped up first and fired his tee shot over the right bunker and landed in the rough approximately 270 yards away. I, however, flew a path to the inside of the left bunker and came to rest in the fairway, 110 yards from the green. D's tee shot came up a little short in the new left bunker. He played a shot to get out of it, leaving himself on the left side of the fairway in the rough, about 10 feet right of some sparse fescue.

I was retrieving something from my bag when I heard the commotion. I looked up to find D's ball being guarded by a determined Canadian male goose. Believing D's ball was an egg, with the female probably laying more eggs in the fescue, it was not about to let Duane play his next shot. Well, the next is why African-American men don't go wildlife hunting too often. Duane had, shall we say, been "punked" into not being able to get to his ball. The gander (male goose), apparently realizing his success, then took a low stance and started hissing. Usually, geese walk away from humans so I offered my ignorant services. As I walked towards it, however, the gander craned its neck and spread it's wings. I wasn't going to be added to the "punked" list, so I spread my arms and got into a "Karate Kid" stance ala' Ralph Macchio. Somehow, I guess, the gander had decided it was ���on��� and charged me.

It was then I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Duane had started to run backwards and Marcus had tip-toed up to the green -both apparently wanting no part of this. I retreated into the cart and made a command decision to play a game of chicken, or goose if you will, and tried to run this large fowl off the ball. I implored Duane to go to the other side of the gander while I had it engaged. He adamantly refused. I knew I was in it for self at that point so I mounted up on the cart on the passenger side, got my pitching wedge in my right hand, drove right at it, and tried to get to the ball with a polo-style trick.

The gander looked at me with that look, you know the one, the "I wish you would" or the more popular, "go ahead and try me" look. As I got closer, it craned its neck again and I swear it looked like a demon this time. It side-stepped the cart and tried to wrestle the wedge out of my hand - almost like it wanted to make it a fair fight. I was able to maintain my composure and drive off with my wedge and the knowledge that a goose stared me down from a fight over a $1.75 golf ball.

I told Duane he was on his own and he "dropped" a ball 30 yards away from the goose and came up to the green from there��� well away from the original ball. We got a good laugh out of it until Duane hit his next tee shot from the returning parallel hole to the left, That's right back towards the same goose. Marcus drove him quickly to that area and Duane hopped out of the cart looking like he was auditioning for "Starsky and Hutch, The Movie", running back towards me through the fescue to the correct fairway. No way was he going over there again.

My turn next. But, as luck would have it, my ball was being guarded by yet another goose. I'm thinking, did the first one call for his friends to torment us for the rest of the round? I honestly felt like my "manhood" was being questioned by water fowls. So, I stopped the golf cart 20 yards behind my ball, in the fairway, grabbed my 7 iron, and walked with a determined gait - a sort of cross between "Superfly", "Shaft", and "Dirty Harry" - to my ball. I played my next shot under duress, (yes I admit it) and walked back to the cart looking around for more fowl reinforcements that may have been silently signaled. But all was calm. I guess the walk did it.

Lesson - the next time you feel overwhelmed, inundated and under appreciated, take a mental health day on your favorite golf course. You just may come back with a story to tell, and a lifetime of memories and jokes. Until next time. Play it as it lies.

Recommendation: 4 Stars

Eisenhower Red Golf Course
Eisenhower Park, East Meadow, Stewart Avenue and Merrick Avenue
General Telephone Number: 516-572-0327 or 0328

Ratings
Front Tees: Course Rating, 71.9; front nine, 39; back nine, 35.9; slope rating, 111
Mid Tees: Course Rating, 69.8; front nine, 34.9; back nine, 35; slope rating, 121
Back Tees: Course Rating, 71.8; front nine, 35.8; back nine, 36; slope rating, 124
Playing Season: March (weather permitting) through beginning of winter.
In-season fees:
18 holes: Weekdays: $36 for residents; $22 for senior citizens; $45 for nonresidents.
Weekends and Holidays: $41 for residents; $39 for senior citizens; $49 for nonresidents
Motor Cart Rentals: $31 for residents; $20 for senior citizens; $31 for nonresidents