By Angela
I hate being a blue. It means I have a tendency to get in a funk, sometimes for no discernible reason. Well, I have been in one, off and on, for the last week or so. Today, I reached my base line; which, for me, is often a moment of revelation. Today, I remembered my spiritual journey to reach the place where I am the better me. So I tried to look at my unhappy place to see what I could do to improve my mood. I had already spent the morning saying thanks. But, I had failed at visualizing. I was feeling fat and ugly and I just did not want to meditate. This is usually about the time I start beating up on myself about everything and anything.
I was on my path of self-destruction when I remembered (don't know why) one positive thing that had happened this week. I had an extensive, positive, loving conversation with NM. We had not spoken to each other (at least by phone) for a long time. Looking back, I think it was
because we were both overwhelmed by life and unable (for once) to turn to each other for help. I think we were also mad with each other over minor issues and both of us felt we were in the right and waiting on the other to apologize for our imagined wrong. But I followed The Language Of Apology by Gary Chapman. That is why I think we were now able to engage in such a great phone conversation and why we are now on our way to regaining our loving relationship.In The Language Of Apology, Gary Chapman basically says that each of us has a specific language of apology and that no matter how sorry we are, if we do not express it in the appropriate language for the appropriate person, they will not feel that we are truly sorry.
The five languages of apology are 1) expressing regret - saying I am sorry; 2) accepting responsibility - saying I was wrong; 3) Making restitution - asking what can I do to make it better; 4) genuinely repenting - saying I will not do it again and meaning it; and 5) requesting forgiveness - saying please forgive me. He also says that in order to apologize we have to forgive as well.
After listening to him speak about the languages, I decided to forgive NM for any wrongs I may have felt about the situation. Then I decided to apologize to NM and I used all of the languages of apology. When I first apologized, I felt that my apology was not accepted. But, as time has passed and we have interacted with each other more and even called each other, it feels as if we have each managed to move on and are both trying to find our way back to each other. So now when I look at our last conversation, I smile. I guess I have learned many things from this experience. Most importantly, sincere apologies work, even if they are not made or accepted immediately. Also, we can apologize to and forgive ourselves.
What is my point about all of this? I have decided to apologize to and forgive myself for the way I treat myself when I am in a funk. So today, I am sorry I do not allow myself to acknowledge my unhappiness and freely move on from it without mistreating myself. I am wrong for blaming myself for everything. I vow to not do it anymore and to not abuse myself if I sometimes fall. I ask myself for forgiveness, I forgive myself and I am taking myself out to dinner tomorrow night as my act of restitution.
So, today, forgive yourself for any wrongs you may have endured at your own hands. Find someone you owe an apology to and sincerely apologize to them. Genuinely accept another's apology. And, love yourself enough to let it go and move on.
Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck, US author 1905-1956
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