Dating Dimes* on a Dime in DC

*slang noun in relation to physical beauty in place of a "perfect ten"

By Westmoreland

04. The Bucks Stop Here

Wonder woman and I are no longer super friends. I may get around to recounting the why, but presently, I have much bigger fish to fry. For example, I would really like some fried fish.

But, I turned over my American Express Card to my attorney last night so that I cannot have access to it. I already miss the old Centurion. We have been through some good times and some bad times. Any purchases that we have made have been good times. Any payments that I have made have been some bad times. But if you love somebody, you have to set them free.

I had a vision (now a plan) to buy a four-unit building in The District of Columbia. The plan depends on my attorney holding my Amex until September or October. For the next six months, I am living with cash, or not living.

DC is currently the fifth most expensive city in the United States. You have to put some cash aside to buy a house here. To buy a building, you need to put your ego aside. To save the right number, you have to put consumption aside --- and stay inside.

So, its lunchtime, and I am hungry. I ate. But since I am on a (man, I hate this word) budget, I only had one sadwhich (not a typo). You wouldn’t expect a single turkey burger to look so lonely. But I have to overcome the conditioning to eat a double-burger, $15 lunch everyday. I inherited a supersonic metabolism. I have to eat like a running back just to maintain my current weight. The last time I crammed grands I lost 15 pounds and was teased for the weight loss by my (so-called) friends who are already homeowners.

I am saving 42.5% of my income for the next six months. I have done this misery before. Last year. I was all good, too. I had assembled the appropriate war chest to ride into the real estate market like Hannibal from Carthage -- who conquered Rome on the backs of African elephants. But then I got greedy and bought some stocks whose value was kicked down a hole like the Persian ambassador in that scene from 300. I lost $8K in 16 minutes. So, I will be fundraising and hell raising in parallel. My goal is $9350 by Halloween. That will get me where I want to be with some buffer. Doable.

So for the coming months I will share with you what it is like to be a bachelor in D.C. on a beggar’s budget. I have projected a disposable income of $725.00 per month. That looks like a reasonable number (in theory), but a foxy woman can move that decimal to the left faster than MathCAD running on a MacPro. But I have a timeline, so precision is critical. But if it comes down to my wealth or a woman, I will be one money grubbing monk in my four-unit monastery.